Choice and not Reason

Its 1:45 in the morning

I cannot fall asleep

I’m sitting up and yawning

Blankets in a heap

I effed up again last evening

Like many times before

Let my very best friend down

Walked our trust out the door

Repeating unhealthy patterns

Unchanged over the years

Watching the train wreck gather speed

Unable to lower the gears

A seemingly endless battle

Between me, myself, and I

How much more whack a mole

Before these habits die

An insight unlocks memories

Of being on the receiving end

It’s the link above me first

That I need to mend

Establishing a statute of limitation

On both hurt and blame

Understanding generational trauma

That sets us all aflame

Forgiveness and compassion

Give my black balloon wings

I unclasp my fingers, give it a nudge

And allow my heart to sing

I see that choice not reason

Is the way to go

Responsibility and power

Live within my core

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As I wrote in the last blog, anything we do to lead our mind to stillness is a yogic practice. In this regard, when I treat others with respect and kindness, it helps me stay calm and still my mind - and is therefore part of the practice of yoga (yama). But this does not always happen. There are times when I find it almost impossible to control my emotions. Even if I am able to practice mindfulness and watch myself yell or be mean (almost like an out of body experience!), it doesn't necessarily mean I can stop it. The practice of svadhyaya (niyama) - looking within, to see where troublesome behaviour originates from, is part of the yogic journey. Acknowledging the truth about and healing past relationships is something that can help us see our current selves in a larger perspective. This then helps re-wire the brain and leads us from reaction to response. From reason to choice.

Love and light, Prasi.