Boundaries for Space

With the pandemic slowly fading into the background, travel opening up more and more, and long spring and summer school holidays, a lot of people have recently visited or hosted family and friends. I've hosted two sets of visitors in the past month alone, each of whom stayed with me for about ten days. It's been wonderful. Quiet chats over coffee with the early risers, cooking up family favorites, poker games and games in the pool, movie nights in and grown up nights out, have all helped me deepen my connection with the people I love. They've also reminded me to set and honour my boundaries!

Learning to establish boundaries is a vital part of our development and self-care. By respecting our identity, goals, and resources, we give ourselves space to grow the way we want to. Anger, resentment, and burnout can often result from a lack or a disrespect of boundaries. Although boundaries are often psychological or emotional, they can also be physical in terms of space or material possessions, be related to time, and to finances. They can be flexible or rigid. And they can be set for ourselves or with other people.

A great way to establish a boundary is to define what it is, communicate it simply and without over explaining, and emphasize why it is important. Here's an example of a boundary I might set for myself - I need to do an hour of yoga every morning. I will not be able to do it in the living room as Mom is usually there before I am. So, I will not step out of my bedroom until I am done with my yoga practice. My practice is important to my physical and mental well-being. Here's a boundary I might want to set with others - There is only so much washing up I can do. "I need everyone to please pitch in and wash your own plates and mugs after meals. This is so we can clean up efficiently and all enjoy more time together". It is equally important to respect others' boundaries to support their well-being. Whether this means not pressuring them to take seconds, allowing them some quiet time with their room door closed, or trusting them to explore the city without calling to check on them twenty times an hour.

Rather than looking at boundaries as walls to keep people out or imprison ourselves, lets look at them as guidelines for how to treat ourselves and show people how we want to be treated. Rather than looking at them as selfish and cold, lets look at them as a way to create safe spaces. Rather than looking them as something that divides us, let's understand that they actually help build trust and deepen relationships. Here's to you having a wonderful summer full of family and loved ones, full of joy and laughter, and full of space to say no to another trip to Universal Studios!

Love and light, Prasi.